I am beautiful, no matter what they say.

     I'm not usually one to post sappy stuff about love, but this picture right here represents one of my goals in life: to grow old with someone who'll love and cherish me even when my skin starts to sag and my hair turns to grey. 
     Now that I'm in college, I've been exposed to multiple arrays of the opposite sex. I've had crushes here and there, and there are lots of them whom I find attractive--but none of them are right for me. It's not that I'm looking or anything at the moment (a girl's allowed to have fun, right?), but there's a part of me that wants to experience being in a relationship as a teenager. I'm 18, so I've got 2 more years. (This sounds ridiculous to me; I wonder how it sounds to you...) Sometimes....scratch that...Most of the time, I feel like I'm not attractive to the opposite sex. I look at girls around me, girls my age, and wonder what they have that I don't. Am I intimidating? Am I too big for a girl? Do I look weird? Do I lack a sense of humor? ---Those are some of the things I ask myself. I always seem to look for a fault within me and I always try to convince myself that I'm the problem. But as of today, I'm making an official declaration. I AM BEAUTIFUL. And it's true. I may not have a perfect body, I may not be the prettiest, but no one is perfect. Why should I hurt over being imperfect when perfection is unattainable? The only thing I can do is to love myself and appreciate me for me. I am beautiful in my own special way, and like what Christina Aguilera sang, "words can't bring me down." A friend who is (luckily for me) also my roommate has been helping me with my "problem." One night, we were having a H2H, and she mentioned something along the lines of "If a person can't appreciate you for who you are, they aren't worth your time. They aren't worth your efforts." It's a simple logic, really, but hearing it directed towards me from someone I care about really threw some sense into me. I'm very blessed to be rooming with someone who likes me for me, instead of for what I have, what I can give, or what I look like. 
     Going back to one of my goals in life, another good friend of mine whom I adore said "God is preparing someone special for you, and He is preparing you for that person. When the time is right, He will bring you two together." Right now, God is preparing me. I shouldn't be antsy, but instead entrust everything unto Him because He has plans for me and truly knows what is best. Also, speaking nonreligisously (I don't even know if that's a word, ha!), I'm still 18. I've got lots o'days ahead of me, hopefully! Right now is not the time to worry about this stuff. There's a time for everything, and besides love for family and friends, I've got no time to worry about what the bloody red organ that beats inside of me symbolizes, if you get what I mean. With that, I'll tootle, do. 


-Dianne

Hello again....

Hi there,

It's really been a while since I've posted on here. I'm writing now, even though I really should be studying for my sociology test tomorrow, because I've realized that blogging (even though I feel like I'm still a nubie) is something I miss. I'll make it short----I can have the best of both worlds, you know? ;) But yee, reading my past entries brought back so many memories that I've put in the back of my mind... I know now that I've grown as a person. Those past experiences don't hurt me anymore, and I actually kind of feel silly for hurting before. But I'm human. We're human. We hurt. We cry. We feel. I also believe that our experiences shape who are are and what we're to become, so no matter how much I hurt in the past and no matter how much I will hurt in the future, I should always remember that those feelings--those experiences--serve a much greater purpose: to make me, me--Dianne.
It's 2:06am, and I need to get up at 8:30 for my 9:30 class. I wish I could write more, but I must go. Expect me soon. Writing this made me feel like a little kid whose mouth waters from watching other kids lick their ice cream in the summer sun. Just as the kid desires an ice cream cone of his one, I desire to write, write, write.

Til we meet again,
Dianne

Childhood Memories.

I saw this commercial on tv and chuckled to myself when the advertisement was over. I did the exact thing to my brother when we were younger! I even made him wear dresses and walk in heels! Hahaha, I was so sure he enjoyed it too! :)
It was a good reminder of my fun past, but it made me miss my little brother even more... It's okay... I'm going to see him soon! Yay!

[Click the link! Click the link! Watch it! Watch it!]


Cute Commercial

For You.

Why hello there,

You guys have been saying that I don't write much, so here! Pour vous! :) I'm really really really really really really really really really bored. I'd rather not do homework right now.... I'm kind of worried about my admission to UW. Do you think they'll say no even after I sent my enrollment statement and fee just because of a few Bs (maybe a C) on my final transcript? I know it's really bad that I'm being so lazy, especially now. I should really get myself together. I'm in a rut. There, I admitted it. I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm not motivated. I don't feel pretty. Yes, I'm in a rut. HELP ME GET OUT OF IT! GET OUT OF IT!
It definitely sounds easier that it is... Oh goodness, what am I going to do. Man, this blog was supposed to make me happy! Now I'm just feeling like this -_-.
              Wow! That looks like a crying face!! I'm going to try it again!!
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Right?! Or does it look like freckles? Or dimples! Hahaha.
Do you ever just look at yourself straight in the mirror, make silly faces, then laugh at your own silliness? If you haven't, you should really try it! It'll definitely brighten up your mood! :)

Kay, I have to use the bathroom.... Taddalu!


<3

My Life: One of the most beautiful stories I have ever read...

My Life: One of the most beautiful stories I have ever read...: "The leaves were falling from the great oak at the meadow’s edge. They were falling from all the trees. One branch of the oak reached high a..."

Stood Up.

Wow.

That's all I could say, all I could think.
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.
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.
.
.
I'm hurt.
I don't want to believe it happened, but it did.
I'm trying to make excuses....... Maybe you fogot and were too far away to turn back. Maybe you had to go home after you got an emergency call. Maybe you forgot? I sometimes forget things too just after a few minutes of being reminded.
I want to believe otherwise, but I can't avoid what was. You kind of just left me there, it seems. You left me waiting, with hope.
*sigh*
So this is how it feels like.....
*sigh*
--------Whatever---------
I tried, that's all I'm going to say. I took away my pride. I tried to fix things before HS. Even though I was hurt too, I approached with no expectations of receiving an apology back. I was willing to blame everything on myself just so the problem could be resolved. You don't know how much I've been thinking of talking to you, how much it hurts me to walk by you - to be in the same room with you - as if we don't even know each other. --Why does it seem like you're okay with everything? Maybe you are? Am I just over-reacting again?-- God knows my intentions. He knows I tried to fix things. He knows from the bottom of my heart that I did. I shouldn't worry anymore because I tried. --I felt so happy when you said we could talk. I believed you. You sounded so convincing. What happened? Why did you leave? If you weren't ready, why didn't you just say "no?" I would have appreciated that more...--   I'm saddened by what we've become. In healthy relationships, communication is valuable. Things aren't working out because we're not communicating. I'm trying so hard, but you're not willing to listen. It takes two to tango, dear. Even if I try a million times, if you don't listen, nothing'll happen.
I'll pray for you. I'm not a mean person.
Take care of yourself, sister dear.
I guess I'll be waiting for you to approach me. I'm tired of being the only trying....


-Dianne

New blood.

Dear you,

I don't appreciate you being here anymore, so please, could you just leave already? Yes, it sucks that I'm not going to see you anymore, but I get so annoyed and hurt when I see you now. I have to close my eyes and take deep breaths to take the frustration away. I want to scream and look at you with narrowed eyes, to get back at you for playing me, but I can't let the devil overcome me - especially now that HS is approaching. I'm going to overcome. I'm going to overcome. I'm going to overcome. And besides, even if I wanted you to hurt just as much as I did, I'd never be able to do something so cruel to you. I wouldn't because I'm not that kind of person. Instead, I'm going to hold my head up high and be the better one. I'm going to walk forward and not look back. I deserve better. I deserve someone who would treat me like, yes, a princess. I believed in you though. I thought you a better person, but you crushed that perception and threw it out the window. It's unfortunate. I'm really going to miss those airplane-shaped letters you used to write me...
Hey, I'm sorry for being so mean. Maybe my visions just clouded right now. I'll get better, don't worry, but our friendship is never going to be again. It might possibly even be as though it never existed.

Goodbye, darling. I hope your taste in ties gets better. (Mean again, but it makes me feel better.)