Watching and hearing my 15-year old brother's expressions as he browses my Pets board on Pinterest........ such an amusing thing to see as an older sister. :)
*sigh*
I love these intimate moments with family! <3
I wanted to post this as my status on Facebook, but I didn't want to embarrass him. Haha.
Cheers to this post that'll remind me of the #little things when I forget.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
School downs
*sigh*
It's just one of those nights when I feel like giving up. Goodness, why is college so difficult?? College is definitely not about what you know, but rather about what you can "prove" you know. :T College is hard, but I refuse to give up. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse! On my bulletin board right above my desk, I have this posted:
It's just one of those nights when I feel like giving up. Goodness, why is college so difficult?? College is definitely not about what you know, but rather about what you can "prove" you know. :T College is hard, but I refuse to give up. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse! On my bulletin board right above my desk, I have this posted:
When you feel like you're drowning in life,
don't worry,
your Lifeguard walks on water.
I just have to turn my frown upside down and keep treading forward.
I love school.
I love school.
I love school.
I love school.
School is fun.
School is fun.
School is fun.
[The more I repeat, the more it becomes true, right? lol.]
Pray for me folks!
With love,
derika<3
Sunday, January 20, 2013
19!
One more blog for the night! This pic was taken on my 19th birthday. I love this picture, and quite frankly, I could care less if you don't. So if you're looking at this.....
It
is
Awesome
Period
It
is
Awesome
Period
-End of story-
Surprise!
Hi there!
This is a late post, sorry I haven't been keeping you up to date! Something important happened to me.... On the 15th of December 2012, I got over my feelings for Tai. :) I want to get into details, but it's almost 1am, and it's been more than a month since it's happened. Just know that God was quick to answer my prayer and removed my "distraction" when I asked him to. Tai is nevertheless a great person, and I still find him attractive. I guess the only thing that's changed is that I don't mind not being able to have something more than friendship with him. I actually feel really relieved, believe it or not. I don't feel guilty when I see him, or feel sadness in my heart for not being able to express my feelings towards him. I'm happy to be able to talk to him without hesitation, without caution, without fear of having my feelings known. God has a plan for me---I always try to remember that. I may want certain things to happen for me, but does God want those same things for me? I trust with all my heart that He knows best, so I've decided to be patient - to wait. A very good friend of mine once told me that God is preparing someone for me and He is preparing me for someone. When we both are ready, He will bring us together. ~~~Such a wonderful thing to say, right??!! I love her. <3
Anyway, raise your glass to me because I have and am saying goodbye to Tai!
Goodbye, Tai! Goodbye, girl who hurt because of Tai! You both are free! May you both fly and be happy. May you both find your place in the arms of those God has planned for you.
In the meantime, I'm going to fantasize about my Mr. Darcy.....or Damon Salvatore. It's not wrong to dream, right? :P
Goodbye, friend. Until next time.
With love,
derika<3
P.S. Enjoy this pic of my chub cheeks and messy hair. Those cheeks will be hopefully less pronounced by April! Hahaha
Goodbye, Tai! Goodbye, girl who hurt because of Tai! You both are free! May you both fly and be happy. May you both find your place in the arms of those God has planned for you.
In the meantime, I'm going to fantasize about my Mr. Darcy.....or Damon Salvatore. It's not wrong to dream, right? :P
Goodbye, friend. Until next time.
With love,
derika<3
P.S. Enjoy this pic of my chub cheeks and messy hair. Those cheeks will be hopefully less pronounced by April! Hahaha
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Losing You
So this blog's gonna be about a close friend of mine.... I feel like I'm losing her, and I don't know if it's because we're both too busy with our lives, or because I'm distancing myself from her...
It's weird.....especially since we're rooming together! Never in a million years did I think I'd feel like this. I hardly see her, and when we're both at home, we hardly talk because of homework or because she's out in the living room with my other roommate, who I feel isn't too fond of me. I can hardly articulate how I feel at the moment, my apologies. There are just so many things going through my head. I don't really know how to feel. I'm sad, but am I over-complicating things? Am I being too sensitive? Am I being too guarded? Am I just being jealous? *sigh*
Fine.
Let me say it. She doesn't keep up with my blog anyway....
I think I'm jealous. I'm upset.
She and my other roommate have a relationship we don't have. Firstly, they're from the same place, they speak the same language, so I automatically am left out, especially when they're laughing and talking in their native tongue! Secondly, they're majoring in the same thing!! They're taking the same classes, doing the same projects, studying together, etc etc etc. Did I forget to mention that they've known each other longer than we have? Her boyfriend lives in our apartment too (something I did not sign up for, btw!), and I honestly feel like they're a threesome while I'm just put off to the side------such a loner. If I wasn't here, I bet it wouldn't make a difference, since they hardly talk to me, or try to get to know me. Can you imagine the situation I'm in? I feel so alone.... I thought this living situation was going to be better than the dorms, but it isn't. At least in the dorms I had people to talk to all the time. Here, I'm always in my room. I feel so confined, so restricted! I can't even be myself around my other roommate. She makes me feel so uncomfortable! I can feel her judgment in everything that I do, and I don't like that. She makes me feel so inferior, and I'm not an aggressive enough person to stand up for myself. I feel like my friend doesn't help the situation either. I want her to defend me, to stand up for me, but she just stands in the middle - between the other roommate and me. I know it's probably hard for her, since she's friends with both of us, but I want her to make me feel like she still cares for me. I tried being friends with the other roommate, tried talking to her and everything, but she's the one who's making it so difficult. I can sense that she doesn't care if we're friends or not, and that makes it super hard for me. I mean, I shouldn't care if we're friends or not either, right? It's her loss anyway, not mine! But I can't help feeling upset over some of the little things she does --- like excluding me by making dinner for the three of them, or asking the everyone in the apartment except me if they want hot chocolate. I feel jealous that they're able to laugh with each other. I feel jealous because this apartment is like a home to them, while to me, it's not.
I'm not in a happy place at the moment. I'm not happy in this apartment. I'm not happy with the people I'm with. I'm not happy that I feel like I'm losing one of my closest friends to a girl who doesn't even like me! I'm not happy that I'm being judged. I'm not happy because I feel so alone. I'm just not happy...... :'(
I'm really looking forward to next year when I get to move out... At least I'm friends with the people I'm moving in with. I wouldn't have to deal with someone who would judge me in everything that I do. I know that I'll be happier.
Will I still be friends with my friend next year? That, I don't really know the answer to. I live with her, and I already feel like I'm losing her. Imagine not living with her.... What will happen then?
Gosh. I'm being so emotional right now.... Tears running down my face and everything... Am I PMSing??? Gahhh, I don't know.. I really wish I could just tell someone how I feel right now. I want to tell my friend. I want to scream it to the world, but I can't. I guess that's why I have you, right? You're the only one that listens, besides Him, of course. Thanks for your time... I'm sure I'll write very soon.
With love,
derika
It's weird.....especially since we're rooming together! Never in a million years did I think I'd feel like this. I hardly see her, and when we're both at home, we hardly talk because of homework or because she's out in the living room with my other roommate, who I feel isn't too fond of me. I can hardly articulate how I feel at the moment, my apologies. There are just so many things going through my head. I don't really know how to feel. I'm sad, but am I over-complicating things? Am I being too sensitive? Am I being too guarded? Am I just being jealous? *sigh*
Fine.
Let me say it. She doesn't keep up with my blog anyway....
I think I'm jealous. I'm upset.
She and my other roommate have a relationship we don't have. Firstly, they're from the same place, they speak the same language, so I automatically am left out, especially when they're laughing and talking in their native tongue! Secondly, they're majoring in the same thing!! They're taking the same classes, doing the same projects, studying together, etc etc etc. Did I forget to mention that they've known each other longer than we have? Her boyfriend lives in our apartment too (something I did not sign up for, btw!), and I honestly feel like they're a threesome while I'm just put off to the side------such a loner. If I wasn't here, I bet it wouldn't make a difference, since they hardly talk to me, or try to get to know me. Can you imagine the situation I'm in? I feel so alone.... I thought this living situation was going to be better than the dorms, but it isn't. At least in the dorms I had people to talk to all the time. Here, I'm always in my room. I feel so confined, so restricted! I can't even be myself around my other roommate. She makes me feel so uncomfortable! I can feel her judgment in everything that I do, and I don't like that. She makes me feel so inferior, and I'm not an aggressive enough person to stand up for myself. I feel like my friend doesn't help the situation either. I want her to defend me, to stand up for me, but she just stands in the middle - between the other roommate and me. I know it's probably hard for her, since she's friends with both of us, but I want her to make me feel like she still cares for me. I tried being friends with the other roommate, tried talking to her and everything, but she's the one who's making it so difficult. I can sense that she doesn't care if we're friends or not, and that makes it super hard for me. I mean, I shouldn't care if we're friends or not either, right? It's her loss anyway, not mine! But I can't help feeling upset over some of the little things she does --- like excluding me by making dinner for the three of them, or asking the everyone in the apartment except me if they want hot chocolate. I feel jealous that they're able to laugh with each other. I feel jealous because this apartment is like a home to them, while to me, it's not.
I'm not in a happy place at the moment. I'm not happy in this apartment. I'm not happy with the people I'm with. I'm not happy that I feel like I'm losing one of my closest friends to a girl who doesn't even like me! I'm not happy that I'm being judged. I'm not happy because I feel so alone. I'm just not happy...... :'(
I'm really looking forward to next year when I get to move out... At least I'm friends with the people I'm moving in with. I wouldn't have to deal with someone who would judge me in everything that I do. I know that I'll be happier.
Will I still be friends with my friend next year? That, I don't really know the answer to. I live with her, and I already feel like I'm losing her. Imagine not living with her.... What will happen then?
Gosh. I'm being so emotional right now.... Tears running down my face and everything... Am I PMSing??? Gahhh, I don't know.. I really wish I could just tell someone how I feel right now. I want to tell my friend. I want to scream it to the world, but I can't. I guess that's why I have you, right? You're the only one that listens, besides Him, of course. Thanks for your time... I'm sure I'll write very soon.
With love,
derika
Monday, December 10, 2012
Can't get you out
I'm trying to ignore you.
I'm trying to stay away.
But none of that even matters
Because I can always still see your face.
Your face is in my head,
In my dreams when I'm sound asleep,
When I'm riding the Metro,
When I think about what to eat.
I want to escape you,
Ease the guilt I feel inside.
I've got to get rid of temptation
And let the evilness subside.
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